BOREDOM&HATRED

today was a relief in a way.unexpectedly i found someone who could listen to my long list of sentiments.pero syempre yung about sa family ko lang ang nai-sharen ko which is an old issue that i kept within myself.e, kanino ko naman kasi sasabihin.i often listen to other people's story but when it comes to mine, either ako ang may ayaw or i felt like people seemed not to be interested with mine.yun bang, you'll open about your story and he or she would just say, "ahh.".puff, end of conversation..i had enough of those kaya naman seldom na lang ako magtry..

~i guess we were just bored kanina so we just talk about anything.but it was such a relief talaga.i guess, andun pa rin yung pain brought about the things that my MOTHER have said.masyado kasi yun masakit mas masakit pa kesa nung nakalimutan nila ang birthday ko.:(.it took me this long kasi nga gaya nung nasabi ko sa first paragraph, wala naman kasi ako mapagsabihan.hindi ko naman pwede sabihin sa mga kapatid ko kasi hindi naman yun sila nakakausap ng matino kapag seryoso ang usapan.how about my friends?well, i guess they're busy and i don't want to bother me for this little sentiments of mine.

~gusto ko na umuwi.promise..but that i can't do, not until i have it.:).so, i hope for the best.:)

:)

"giganahan" lagi ako magpost ngayon?

due to loneliness lang siguro.

~PENGE PERA..:D

i was just laughing hours ago.thinking oh-so positively.but what happened?all of a sudden i turned into the drama-slash-catch queen.,:(

i need someone to talk to.fortunately someone asked me out for a talk, pero mas malala pa pala problema at drama nya sa buhay.san ko pa ilugar yung akin?funny as it is, i often give advises to people pero yung sarili ko hindi ko man mabigyan..i don't have someone right now whom i could share my feelings.after this, i'll be off to my room again.ALONE.i feel like crying ng bonggang bongga.have you ever felt na ang malas mo?yun bang lahat na lang ng gawin mo may CATCH.yun bang, hind pwede maging madali ang lahat ng bagay.MASAKIT MASYADO.promise.:(.

gusto kong maiyak sa pagkadismaya.gusto kong maiyak kasi i feel like i don't exist.gusto kong maiyak kasi i feel useless.gusto kong maiyak kasi walang kwenta ang personality ko.gusto kong maiyak kasi si SHAYNE ako.:(


gusto kong maawa sa sarili ko kasi para bang pag may problema, kailangan ko harapin na AKO LANG, ako lang.tulad ngayon, ako lang...


~~i'm oh-so hurt today and never felt this alone not until now..:(

~SHAKEN&BROKEN

this post would be a contrary on my post on facebook some time ago but i guess there's always an exception.:)

on my way back here, i've thought of this thing...MALAS BA TALAGA AKONG TAO? not in a way na i have really nothing.syempre, i'm blessed din naman compared sa ibang tao. what bothers me is that lahat na lang ng bagay involving me needs a catch. take for an instance, yung supposed trip.

~HINDI NAMAN TALAGA AKO MATALINO, NAG-AARAL LANG AKO NG MABUTI.:).but people would say, "hmm.pahumble ka lang".but the truth is hindi.compared to other people, olats na olats ako.i feel na yung level of thinking ko is not suited for my age.hindi dahil sa genius ako (na isang malaking HINDI)or what but its the other way around. i think, people my age (19) should be able to think and see things in a manner that holds credibility and very factual.syempre, parang para sa akin there are no more excuses thinking like a high schooler. i think, people my age should have full understanding of the course she have taken.ask me now?i don't even know how to turn a simple dish into a gourmet or what. i can't even hold a tray with glasses without shaking.now, is this what you call globally competitive individual?

~ALAM KO HINDI AKO MAGANDA PERO HINDI RIN NAMAN AKO PANGIT.:).when i was young, madalas ko sinasabi na pangit ako kasi para sa amin, kapag maganda ka, ibig sabihin may asawa ka.and at that age parang sin yun para sa amin.hehe.when i was young, i didn't really care how i looked.when i was young i didn't care if i'm fat, or if my hair is not straight.i had that mantra until 1st yr. high school i think.although people would compliment me, it didn't add to my confidence..what happened?nothing.nothing talaga.i don't know.parang suddenly i had this little confidence na, i'm cute.from then on, i would often refer to myself as cute..what about now?actually, depende sa mood ko..i think, every individual has their own definition of beauty..yung iba, sabi, nasa ugali daw ang tunay na kagandahan.pero admit it, sa mundong tulad nito, beauty is equal to PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES.aminin?as hurtful as that pero yan ang realidad..but i still believe na love would conquer all, gaya nung sa MMK.:)

~I WISHED I WAS SOMEONE.:(.when i was young due to insecurities, i wished i was someone else.i would imagine a girl i that has everything i don't have.TALENT, BEAUTY, INTELLIGENCE.i wish i had those..whenever, i'm in deep trouble, i wish i was someone else.naiinis kasi ako sa sarili bakit yung ibang tao parang andg dali dali ng buhay para sa kanila.hindi tulad ko parang kailangan ko talagang dumaan sa butas ng karayom.yun bang i couldn't be relaxed for so long.i have to even doubt when some good news comes or when i get things done easily.and it really sucks.:(


~MALDITA AKO PERO HINDI AKO MASAMANG TAO.:).in born na siguro yung kamalditahan ko.hehe.



~~sabi nila wala naman daw perfect na tao at naniniwala naman talaga ako dun.hirap nga lang akong intindihin kung bakit may mga tao naman na halos nasa kanila na ang halos lahat.yun bang ang mga problema madali lang nilang nalulusutan?pwede magtanong?nung nagsabog ba ng magandang personality ang kalangitan, tulog ang nanay ko?i hate what i'm feeling right now.parang bang insecure na insecure ako.pero wala naman kasi akong mapagsabihan.WALA..maybe a good night SLEEP will do.i hope so.:)

BACKFIRE..

my heart is clouded with too much negative energy nowadays...
gaining weight, pimples, hindi natuloy na trip, walang pera.now, tell me, sino ba naman ang hindi lalapitan ng negative energy and stuffs?

~WEIGHT GAIN: i wonder lang, ganun ba talaga kabagal ang metabolism ko at madali akong tumaba?parang nakaktakot kumain.pero what can i do? i'm just a human being and food is a need. even the law says so: article 111 BILL OF RIGHTS, sec.1: no person shall be deprived of life, liberty or property without due process of law nor shall any person be denied the equal protection of the laws...^anong konek?^..my stomach gets bigger and it really sucks.para kang buntis pero hindi naman..mas nakaka conscious sya actually.i don't intend to have a supermodel body, i just want a smaller tummy.that's it.no more no less..:).honestly, i don't really mind kaso people around me added pressure pa talaga.they would often say,a ng taba-taba mo na.sobrang bumababa talaga yung self esteem ko..and they won't say it once lang.parang when they see you they'd say it over and over and over again.

~PIMPLES: since this second semester, my pipmles are pasted on my forehead like leech.ayaw maalis.o kung maalis man babalik din afterwards..nakakainis na ngang tumingin sa salamin.panira sa itsura.hindi na nga makinis. may pimples pa?[poor].but i guess, partly the blame would go to sleeping late at night.:)

~PENNILESS: at the end of second semester,i've saved like abotu 3thousand? but now, there's nothing left..*lie*.ahm, i have 1thou left pero may pinaglalaanan na ako.for the first time since i've entered college, wala talaga akong pera.there were days na as in zero pesos talaga ako..UTUSAN kasi ako dito sa bahay, tigbili ng mga kung anu-ano, so if may barya, hindi ko na isinosoli.wait, before you raise your eyebrows, barya lang po as COINS.na minsan 2 pesos lang ang worth.yep, ganun na ako kahirap this days..and it's not funny. I PROMISE TO MYSELF, STARTING THIS SEM.MAGTITIPID NA TALAGA AKO NG MABUTI.AND I'LL STICK TO MY BUDGET NO MATTER WHAT..:)

~TRIP MAYHEM: this one really breaks my heart.alam mo yung, okay na lahat then all of a sudden, you'll receive a text message regarding the trip.ang daming catch.ito na siguro yung pinaka magulo na trip ever..yun bang, matatakot ka kapag may mareceive ka na text.kadalasan kasi bad news yun.but i've learned my lesson na from this.HUWAG MAGPADALA SA EGO.panira na EGO YAN.:(.and now we're paying for it.